Dear Materialistic,

Hi there, I'd like to make an application to join your carefully constructed website. I've read your Terms & Conditions, and they seem fairly reasonable, and I reassure you I'm not to going use the account you're about to grant me to defraud or grief other people, nor to deliberately spoil their life or gameplay with it; and generally I promise not to be a dick on this site.

For your records, you can contact me on my email address, which is , although only if you promise only to use it to validate my account and for security purposes. I'll choose what other forms of email you can send me later.

When I log in, I'd like to use the password , which I promise not to tape to my monitor on a postit note. I appreciate you're not demanding I retype that, and have carefully double checked both that and my email address so that I don't have to email support later.

My preferred currency that I'd like my report in is

Lastly, when you display stuff about me, please use the pronoun .

I am now finding this signup form device tired, and so will close off.

Yours faithfully,